Pardon me while I borrow your shoulder to cry on. I am just emerging from one of the darkest places I've experienced in my life. It had to do with some criticism. It had to do with the passing of some friends. But more than anything else it had to do with pride and disobedience on my part.
At some point in the recent past, I started thinking I was both capable and successful at building a church. I am neither capable, nor can I be successful at producing fruit that can only come through the work of Jesus Christ. I can be obedient, but obedience in the Biblical sense is usually linked more to suffering than blessing. Please don't get me wrong. I am not looking for any sympathy or pity from you, faithful reader. Nor am I advocating some kind of self-mutilation gospel. God has promised to supply all my needs. He has said His Spirit will comfort me when I am hurting. He has also said I am to be obedient even when (or maybe even especially when) things are not going well by my definition. I still need to trust Him. Paul trusted even though he suffered tremendous persecution (see 2 Corinthians 11:22-31). What Paul reminds me of is humbleness before God. When things are going well, I must give God the credit and especially the glory. When things are going, from my view, not so well, I must give God the credit and especially the glory. And this is a discipline I am still laboring towards.
What I must remember is that God did not promise me a 2000-seat auditorium packed to the aisles with people just wanting to hear God's word through this pastor. Rather, God promised me wealth untold and rewards unspeakable when my life is complete and I stand before Him. And, yes, those rewards will be wonderful, but the one reward I want more than any other is to hear the One who laid His very life down for me say, "Well done, my good and faithful slave. You were faithful with a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master." (Matt 25:21)
It is a lesson I am still learning in my heart, even though I know it in my head. Could I ask you to pray for me that God re-invigorate me to be obedient even in difficulty? Thank you in advance. I see light now. It is not near as dark around me as it was. Praise God for His light!
1 comment:
God, You have made it clear that obedience is more important to You than sacrifice. I ask You to help my pastor be obedient to You in every situation. I pray that my pastor will heed Your commandments, O God, so that his peace will be like a river, and his righteousness like the waves of the sea. (Isaiah 48:18) I ask this in Jesus name. Amen.
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