Parenting and pastoring

If you haven't already heard about this story, please read it here. In short, these parents did not approve of what their 19-year-old daughter was doing with her life, so they tied her up and planned to force her to do the right thing.

Of course, this is the temptation for every parent. We are so motivated to see our children become what we know they are capable of, that we sometimes lose all sense of reason to get them there. Most of us would not tie-up our 19-year-old and force them to live according to our standards. We are probably tempted to do it, but we don't actually follow through.

Pastoring is very similar in that, as a pastor, I desire to see the people God has placed in my care thrive and become all that I believe God would have them be. But I can not grab hold of them and tie them up to force them to be obedient to God. If God's word says not to do it and someone decides that is what they are going to do, all I can do is try to warn them about the consequences of their disobedience. I long to do more. But that is not what God has called me to do.

The position of pastor has been called being the "under-shepherd". Jesus is the true leader of the church, I am just His hireling. However, shepherds rarely pick up the sheep and move them to the right path. Shepherds call out, they use their crooks to gently nudge, they protect the flock from danger, but they don't really force the sheep with physical means.

In multiple places in the Bible, God has referred to His children as sheep. My desire as a sheep with shepherding responsibilities, is to provide as much guidance as possible, but I can't live someone else's life. At some point, we, as parents, have to let the adult child go and let them live their life, mistakes and all. As a pastor, I have the same agony. People are going to live their lives, and when they choose disobedience, I will weep and wait for God to bring them back to the fold.